you may be...

I wonder.

I wonder if there's some cognitive dissonance going on.
Something that I might need to address.

I give you the following pieces of evidence:

Exhibit A: The Non-Runner's Marathon Guide for Women by Dawn Dais

… one of the most wickedly funny books that you'll ever find on the topic of getting your ass off a recliner and exercising.I have read this through at least twice, been using her training schedule, and worn it dog-eared.

And then yesterday, I got a box from Amazon with two items in it:

Exhibit B: The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer by Whitsett, Dolgener and Kole:


… also lovely, though more serious. Deals with the psychological aspects of running for distance, as well as containing a nicely-manageable 16-week training program of 4-days-per-week of running. Like it.

Exhibit C, also in the box:
An honest-to-god Hydration Belt. Like, to carry water with you. Because you fully intend to run for MORE THAN AN HOUR AT A TIME WITHOUT STOPPING. Like, tomorrow. When friend Nurse K and I go for TEN MILES. That's TWO HOURS.
Honestly, there aren't enough capital letters to express the magnitude and insanity of that.

So here's the question:
If your tally of training miles just hit triple-digits (!);
If you are running for so long that you need to pack your own liquids like a freakin' camel;
If you're about due for your second pair of running shoes in a year because you've put too much mileage on 'em;

are you a Runner?

And if you are, what's with all the "Non-Runner's Book of This and That" literature?

I have no problem calling myself a capital-K Knitter.
So I might as well say it, and say it here:

I'm a Runner.

And if you call what I do 'jogging," I'm gonna brain you with this portable hydration system.*

* Yes, I may go slow (12-minute miles, anyone?), but dudes – if I'm putting in this much effort for this long, give it the dignity it deserves. "Jogging" is the runner's equivalent of the "knitting granny" stereotype.  Time to look around and get aware: there are hundreds of thousands of us who knit gorgeous and sexy things. Send your grandma over: I've got a knitted thong pattern for her.