I know, I know, I should be going for my afternoon run, but some things simply must be said. …Like the
Top 5 Wouldn't Kick 'Em Out Of Bed List
Oh, come now - don't get all prudish on me. I may be married, but I'm not dead.
And after all, there are millions of members of the opposite sex out there who are perfectly willing to waste an entire afternoon at their local watering hole debating the various merits of Cameron Diaz's anatomy … so why shouldn't we girls get to have some innocent fun?
The ground rules:
* No, of course I wouldn't actually sleep with these boys. ... but it's fun to think about getting the opportunity to turn them down ... gently. After an evening of rousing conversation and a few dry martinis. (Except for maybe #1 on the list – perhaps I should have built a clause into the marriage vows about him.) (Good thing he's across the country.)
* The list is subject to change, and frequent discussion, but never up for negotiation. In fact, discussion is most of the fun here.
So off we go–
Number 5: Jeremy Northam
Most freqently found in his native habitat, BBC period dramas.
But currently doing a fabulously straight and not-too-holier-than-thou Thomas More in the Showtime series "The Tudors."
Hell, for this one, I might even convert.
Hail Mary, indeed.
Number 4: Stephen Fry
The Professor Emeritus of my list, dating back to his floppy days on British TV as Jeeves to (House, M.D.'s) Hugh Laurie's Wooster.
As my friend BlueGal would say, he could lick my brain.
If you've never read any of his novels, or his autobiography Moab Ate My Washpot, you're in for a howling good time. He turns a phrase like some women raise a skirt to reveal their ankle.
[Besides, every gal's got to have at least one fella on her list who bats for the other team.]
Number 3: Liev Schreiber
Please, Liev, won't you leave that Naomi Watts and come run away with me?
Here's one I'd really convert for –
if he goes for schicksa blondes, why not me? Why not, Liev?
Heard him interviewed on Studio 360 last year, about his stint as a director, and to this day I can't tell if it's him or the paint fumes from the small closet I was working in, but … whoof.
Number 2: Gary Oldman
Okay, I may have just lost some of you, but really…
Go rent the Francis Ford Coppola "Dracula" from the mid-nineties.
(Go ahead; I'll wait.)
She's supposed to choose between Oldman as Vlad the Impaler and Keanu Reeves?
Keanu f-in' Reeves?
Don't insult my intelligence. I mean, really.
The way that man does accents just leaves you wondering what else his tongue could do.
Are ya with me on this now?
Which just leaves us with my Number One. And remember, ladies: I had him before the whole Lloyd Dobbler thing. He was mine then, and he's all mine now:
It's the whole package with this one:
• Puppy-dog eyes;
• Motor mouth;
• Great relationship with his sister (and all his acting siblings! Get a load of the talent in that family!);
• More sensitive than my mother's toothpaste ...
And the "If I'm too tall I'll just slouch for you in my trenchcoat" gait that gets me every time.
There's just one thing, John:
The chain smoking? has got. to. go.
Plus, this just got my heart rate up enough that I can skip the cardio this afternoon.
(This one was for Fiona.)