sesame street hell

Thanks for the nice feedback in the comments in my last post, my peeps-
it gives me confidence, particularly welcome today, when I clearly can't knit in a straight line.

So yesterday, in front of a whole classfull of cooperative and fabulously talented knitters, I blithely take out my cardigan pieces to talk about blocking...
Pull out the back, lay it flat, talk about spritzing with a spray bottle rather than torturing with a steam iron;
Pull out the left front to show shoulder searms;
Pull out the right front to discuss picking up for the neckline and...

Right front? What right front?

Oh, I have this sleeve... and this other sleeve... and this thing on the needles? That would be the thing I thought was the second sleeve because I assumed that unblocked little sausage of knitting was the right front which I apparently in my infinite cleverness never knit because I had to start the sleeves right away and then knit three of them fit for Kali, the goddess of wrathful knitting.

[See Franklin's shop for Knitting-Kali swag. Clearly, I need to get me some.]

In disgust, I stuff the three sleeves into their Ziploc home for the duration of the bus ride from Bainbridge to P.T., and whip out the backup project: the Lotte cardigan.
[Oh, fess up: when you're more than 15 miles from home and taking public transportation for more than an hour, I KNOW you bring more than one project. I KNOW you do. Don't bother lying.]
Sleeve, ho! It's a lovely little increase-every-8-rows, then work straight for 26 rows, then this morning it's a cozy little moment with a cup of tea and a walked dog and the sleeve cap decreasing just so and...

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I do the right thing and check my work against the other sleeve... because student J, who is fabulous (you know who you are, so just own it, honey) has just had gauge vagaries that are almost prompting her to re-knit a sleeve a third time (sound familiar? wish I had that excuse for knitting three sleeves, but alas I don't - I was just stupid)....
Where was I?
Oh yeah- J had gauge issues - clearly, having one child of 5 leave for college has relaxed her enough to make gauge differences knitting with Rowan Kid Classic - so I checked my sleeve vis-à-vis the other, and...

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*@&%^.

 A careful re-evaluation of the direction reveals the obvious problem. Whereas, in this second sleeve, I have been a good little girl and worked a decrease row and a plain row and then repeated these TWO rows, when I was working the first sleeve - on drugs, for there is no other explanation - I decreased EVERY row, resulting in an anemic raglan sleeve cap that will do nothing but cut off my circulation under my armpits and cause my lymph nodes to block up spectacularly.

Lo, in the immortal words of Sesame Street, "One of these things is not like the other... One of these things is not quite the same!"

Sesame-Street HELL for knitters.

I console myself that I am bringing all this upon myself as a way to preserve The Harlot from further obstacles in finishing her Vintage Socks. It's a public service. Yer welcome.